It is funny how one minute things are going so well and you are having so much fun and the next minute things turn to shit (pardon my French). You start getting to know someone and actually opening up about some pretty heavy topics, not things that you would normally talk about with just anyone and that other persons starts to throw those things in your face. For example I had a pretty abusive relationship in my past and still have some little things that can set me off. I am pretty open about what they are in relationships because I don't see them as a negative anymore, I just see them as things that I'm still working on, but have made me a stronger person. Having those things throw in my face when talking about what direction a new relationship is taking hurts so much. After having a few great dates with a guy and being able to be so open, those things that we had talked about were thrown in my face. It wasn't in a questioning way of trying to be understanding it was rude and insensitive. When confronted about it he played it off as if he didn't mean them that way, but then did it again with something else. I've never felt so judged by a person who kept saying they wanted to know me better. He referred to the things I opened up about as "my issues". News flash we all have issues and we all deal with them differently. He was no saint either. There was no way I was going to use the things he told me to put him down or make him feel like less of a person. I mean from the get go there were a couple red flags, but I was like I'm going to just see where things go and see what happens. Well that didn't work out so well. Those red flags turned into deal breakers. I want kids eventually, he HATES children. He would get mad when there was kids walking down the street or in his direct vicinity. It was bad. I know that it was only in the last year or so that I decided that I even wanted to have kids so I thought well he may be in the same boat, but I was very wrong. He told me that I would have to change my life plans of wanting children if I wanted things to work out with him. When I told him that wasn't going to happen he then told me that we had an expiry date. So I told him that the expiry date had passed and things were not going to work out. He didn't understand when I said that. He thought things were fine, that I would be okay with changing my life to suit his. I am not someone who can be pushed around in a relationship anymore. I've been that girl, but I'm not anymore. I know who I am and what I want. I will compromise on some things. You have to in a relationship, but I am not willing to change myself completely to fit someone else. This is all coming after only 3 dates with the guy.
I was made to feel like a terrible person for knowing what I want and being able to say no this isn't what I want after only 3 dates. I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's time on something that has no future. It's not fair to anybody. I don't want to miss out on meeting someone who has more potential because I'm in something that's not serious. I'd rather go on a bunch of dates with different guys to find someone who there's more of a chance of a future.
This feels like a total vent session, but I think that there are plenty of people out there who get stuck into something just because they don't want to be lonely. I've been that person and it took so much out of me. I had to learn how to be happy on my own and take care of me first. It can be a hard concept, but I know that I came out as a better person. It helped me to discover what I want in life and what I don't.
I like to look on the positive in life and have fun. I don't want to be dragged down by the negative. I know I have bad days and I am so thankful for the wonderful ladies I have in my life that are there for me. I love you ladies!
Song of the day: Hide Away by Daya
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